Do Boys have less Intimate Friendships than Girls?

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How can you compare and contrast female friendships and male friendships? There are more ways they can be contrasted than compared in the 21st century.  Friendship is the state of being friends and having an interpersonal relationship with that person. Male friendships over time usually become less intense in the younger stages of its development. Once these boys reach their adolescent period, friendship becomes more of a choice, not a necessity. Males tend to rely on pride and respect as they get older, not friendship. This being some of their primary traits, males tend not to be so touchy feely when it comes to another male, whether it’s a friend or family member. Males will usually refuse to show any type of emotion at all, not even towards females. They often will say no-homo, to defend themselves if ever being in touch with their own feelings.

Female friendships tend to be more intimate and personal within each other because that is the “norm” for females. Females tend to have more regulations for a friendship than males would. For example, a guy comes up to a girl and asks her if they would like to text? The girl says yes she would text him and they begin to talk as friends until the friendship becomes something more. For some unfortunate reason it doesn’t work out between the two. The next week, the guy tries to talk to the girl’s friend to see if they could become something more. The friend immediately says no because her friend has already dated that particular guy and had feelings for him. Through a male’s perspective if the situation were reversed it would be completely different. Two male friends could be in the same situation and it would turn out very differently. If the girl had come up to that guy and asked the same thing, the guy would’ve checked with his friend first to make sure that it was fine and if the answer was yes then they would have moved forward. Males tend to have more of a “I don’t care” attitude whereas females think more deeply about things, such as friendship.

According to https://learning.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/23/do-boys-have-less-intense-friendships-than-girls/  Dr. Way, a Professor at New York University and an expert in Developmental Adolescent Psychology, states that, “Despite stereotypes of teenage boys as grunting, emotionally tone-deaf creatures who bond over sports talk and risk-taking, their need for intimate friendship is as potent as it is for girls.” Males don’t usually show intensity towards a friendship usually so they will not be judged on how they feel.

Men gravitate and bond over things that they have in common.  Women lean more towards feelings and intimacy towards each other. According to https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201410/how-are-men-s-friendships-different-women-s “The most common finding is that men’s friendships tend to be more “instrumental” and less emotional, while women friends are much more likely than men to share emotions and feelings. Men’s friendships are often based on shared activities (e.g., poker or golfing buddies) and are more “transactional” – reciprocating favors and working together on projects. In other words, men share activities, women share feelings.” Men and women friendships, boy and girl friendships, have different characteristics and different values. Males value respect between each other and someone who has the same interests. Male friends who would fight with them to prove their loyalty to that friend never against them. Females whereas look for someone to share their feelings with and communicate with.

Female friendships are more emotional and in touch with one another. Male friendships are more cordial and influential. Friendships for males develops over time from caring to it is what it is. Females only develop more of a passion towards friendship because of emotions. Familiar activities and common interests are what usually carry male friendships. Emotions and sharing feelings are mostly what carries female friendships no matter the age.

Armyst Lewis-Smith is a Sophomore Broadcast/Mass Communications major from Jackson, Mississippi. She will be a contributor for The Campus Chronicle for the Spring 2018 semester.

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