Painful Motivation

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painful motivation

Emotions on high guard.

Haters and users.

I guess that’s what they all are.

The girls that get me caught.

Lost in the web of their confusion.

Their abuse of words to drag me on.

My familiarity with my broken pieces of my cardiac becomes a put together pacemaker.

I need a new battery.

So I walk back to my writing pad.

Recollecting thoughts to be in my happy place.

The happiest place is my mind running through a field of words.

I gather a few and make something beautiful.

Then I’m back in hell.

Trying to sleep but it’s hard

When the past knocks.

Eleven years of pain.

Her insults still rain in my membrane.

Should I call her to look past her ignorance?

No!

So I listen to whoever is on.

The earphones block the thoughts from circulating.

Keep listening….

So it’s here.

I’m still here.

I could have killed myself.

Life ending.

Now its finally beginning.

I say that because I had to restart plenty of times.

Mentally…emotionally.

I put down the red cup for now.

I write to numb the pain.

I read over it to realize my perseverance.

I listen to the music to elevate myself to a peaceful place.

I’m here.

I’m still here.

Love is stronger than pride.

Pain is not worth dying.

So I write and listen,

to my Painful Motivation.

—-Zion McThomas

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