My name is Lacy and I’m a Junior at an HBCU down South. I have been in a relationship for three years with my boyfriend whom I adore. He is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met but there’s one major problem, HE IS SO BORING! He doesn’t want to go on dates, travel, his conversation is less than stellar, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just not growing with him. I think that if I choose to stay with him I’ll miss out on reaching my full potential as a person. Recently (the past 6 months) I met a guy who is the complete opposite of my boyfriend. He’s creative, ambitious, garrulous, and extremely intelligent. He takes my mind to places that my boyfriend can’t and won’t. I’m really considering leaving my boyfriend for this young man but I don’t really want to hurt him. Kee how can I let my boyfriend down easy without emotionally damaging him?
In Quite the Pickle
Dear In Quite the Pickle:
I honestly understand where you’re coming from. If someone doesn’t light that spark in you then there’s really no point in being with them, although, I would have handled the situation better. You have already, from what you’ve conveyed to me, somewhat started a new relationship with the other guy. How would you feel if your current boyfriend started giving his time and attention to another girl without your consent? You would most likely be angry. You need to show people the same respect that you would want for yourself. Also, there’s no way he can keep you from reaching your full potential. The only person that can stand in the way of that is you. Since you have already stirred the pot by communicating with another person, there’s nothing left for you to do but to tell your boyfriend the truth. Of course, he would probably be upset by you saying that he’s boring and you’re not growing with him, but I think he would be even more hurt by you having someone on the side. Another thing, you said you all have been in a relationship for three years and you adore him. My question is, how? Have you even tried to fix the situation or are you just making excuses to be with someone else? Obviously, this boyfriend of yours sounds like he’s the right guy, you just need to be open in finding both of your interests.