The Last Thing I Need Is Flowers

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The last thing I need is flowers.

I love conversations when you do most of the talking and I just sit and listen.

Then when I chime in you feel comfortable knowing I’m someone you can trust, not by me telling you to trust me, but by my genuine responses.

To hear the words thank you doesn’t excite me and when you say it I awkwardly nod and wonder why it even needs a response when you should be used to me pouring out my all to you by now and you ask me what I’m interested in and I’m pretty sure it’s nothing you can buy.

It’s the sound of assurance without you mumbling a word.

It’s a connection of truth from your windows to mine,

and yet you suggest to me, flowers.

I encouraged myself to carry a load
too heavy for my feet and too fragile for my hands.

For you to say I’m nonchalant is a slap to my face and

a knife to my back because this load I carry are your bruised and broken bones.

Your tears are caused by someone else,

and yet you decide to thank me with flowers?

The last thing I need, is some flowers.

Flowers need to be watered and kissed by the sun.

Just as you are needy of kisses and having your ego watered, there’s this giant in the room that I have no problem leaving out because there is no space for me.

May I have some water too? Just a little touch of growth from this stagnation, so when I see us I don’t think of you so much but I smile because I see the beauty in me too.

The last thing I need is flowers because I want you to try to see things from my point of view.

The last thing I need is flowers.

When my heart is heavy and I’m sitting here looking at you with so much to say but my words come out faint and I expect you to see through me and already know where and why it hurts.

The last thing I need is flowers.

After we have pushed the issue aside and I’m still battling it in my mind,

The last thing I need is flowers.

Giving to me by a man that knows I’m not materialistic but before you hand me such a beautiful thing, understand there is something worth more to me than this, if you’d just listen to the frustration and pain in my cry.

The last thing I need is some stupid flowers to die.

T'Angelek Beckworth is a Senior Psychology major from Natchez, Mississippi. She will be a contributor for The Campus Chronicle for the Spring 2020 semester.

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